Kindness, Empathy and Good Student Relationships

Take a moment to think about people that are important to you, and how much you value their love, appreciation and kind words.  Now think of your students.  They value being cared for, recognized and appreciated as much as we do. When students feel that you value and care for them as individuals, they are more willing to comply with your wishes.

Think about it for just a minute. Aren't you more apt to go out of your way to please a supervisor who you feel values you as an individual, shows empathy, and treats you with kindness and respect, rather than a supervisor who ignores your hard work and efforts?  Or, a boss that doesn’t even know you as a person?

We spent an entire day last Friday learning about student behavior issues.  The whole time I thought about how vital the connections we make with our students is.  It makes sense that developing positive teacher-student relations is one of the most effective steps you can take to establish a positive climate in the classroom. It's critical to remember that when you take time to get to know and value your students as individuals, they tend to appreciate and like you. When they appreciate and like you, they are more willing to want to please you. This is why it is so important to remember that, when it comes to student behavior, it's far more often the relationship students have with you than it is the rules themselves that encourages students to follow those rules.

Marzano (2003) states that students will resist rules and procedures along with the consequent disciplinary actions if the foundation of a good relationship is lacking.

Demonstrating caring is one of the most powerful ways to build positive relationships with your.  When your actions and words communicate that you sincerely care for your students, they are more likely to want to perform well for you and enjoy coming to school. Caring also fosters a preventive approach to discipline, as students who feel cared for are more likely to want to please you by complying with your wishes and policies. It is a tragedy when a student mistakenly believes that his teacher does not care for or like him. In most cases, teachers do care but fail to do the things that directly communicate this valuable message.

The best ways to show you care about your students:

Show an interest in your students' personal lives

Greet the students by the front door as they enter the classroom

Watch for and touch base with students who display strong emotion

Sincerely listen to students (or, make an appointment to listen to them carefully when you have less demands on your time)

Empathize with students

Remember, these strategies work well for adults too.  Having caring and effective relationships with colleagues can enhance your work place satisfaction, making work more enjoyable and fun.